Yesterday, one of the most dreaded topics in dating came up in the Biz Typology members-only group:
The Death Spiral.
In all its grim details, here’s what it looks like:
Stage 1: Theo the Thinker meets Faye the Feeler. Faye is enamored of Theo and falls totally head over heels for him. She feels #blessed. Theo is characteristically cautious…but interested. Faye is fun (as are most Feelers), so he wants to see where this goes.
Stage 2: Faye appreciates and admires many characteristics of Theo’s Thinking ways and thus begins to behave more like a Thinker, too—maybe even fooling Theo into thinking s/he is a Thinker like him. In other words, Faye starts acting too cool for school. Theo then relaxes, figuring he’s with a kindred Thinker spirit, getting more comfortable with the relationships. He starts acting like normal Thinking self because he feels… understood.
Stage 3: Faye feels Theo cooling off and wonders what she is doing wrong. So, she tries to be even more like a Thinker to compensate. (Hard to get—or even becoming a little bit of an Ice Queen). But this doesn’t feel right. (Because Faye is a Feeler after all. She feels all the things.) Faye starts to get needy and may even consider it her duty to draw Theo out of his Thinking shell, encouraging Theo to express all those feelings he *must* have buried deep inside. But, Theo doesn’t get it… because, well, he’s a Thinker. What feelings?
Stage 4: Theo feels pressure from Faye’s emotional demands and may need distance to figure things out. (And if Theo the Thinker is an introvert too… he needs about the width of the Grand Canyon.) Faye then panics and becomes needier. Theo withdraws more…so Faye needs more…and on and on it goes. Ouch.
Stage 5: Faye suddenly realizes that the reason things aren’t working is that Theo is cold and unfeeling and mean and unnurturing and all these terrible, awful things she can’t stop thinking about (and, if she’s an Extrovert, can’t stop talking about too all her friends). Faye, feeling *so hurt and sad*, abandons Theo without looking back. She can do so much better without him! (And, if she’s P’s, it may be especially abrupt.) Theo is confused… and yet a little relieved… but disappointed. Back to the dating drawing board.
But, it didn’t have to end that way.
In fact, there’s a way to use these differences (between Feelers and Thinkers, Extroverts and Introverts, and so on) to your advantage.
But, there is a difference between using typing tactically (“let me act all cool for school/touchy-feely to get that guy/girl/client/sale”) versus on principle (“I understand and respect how that person is and now can relate to them in a way that they can understand and respect how I am, too.”)
And that difference can find you happiness… or at the bottom of the Death Spiral’s vortex.
In just a few days, I’ll be releasing Season Two of Biz Typology, a series of videos dedicated to getting your business (and love life) out of death’s claws.
To get access (and join the conversation already happening in the Facebook community), go here: