by Stefanie Arroyo | Feb 14, 2018 | Biz Typology, Dating
The other day while I was grilling us steaks, my INTJ probed me on one of his favorite topics:
Death.
(Yes, again.)
Specifically, he wanted to know if I’d continue dating should he meet his Maker a little earlier than expected.
Mulling over my answer, I grew sad. Being a weenie (and a Feeler), even his hypothetical demise was upsetting. I then told him—almost tearfully—that I couldn’t even contemplate the idea of being with someone else after he died.
His response?
“WHAT?! Don’t let those bewbies go to waste! Go get another man, I’m already dead!”
(I suppose indirectly putting “from my cold, dead hands” in new light.)
Instead of diving headfirst into the Death Spiral (as I wrote about earlier this week), I flipped the porterhouse once more, laughing.
Yesterday, I went live in the members-only Biz Typology Facebook group and gave the antidote to the poisonous Relationship Death Spiral that is so hard to avoid (that is, unless you have these “cheat codes” up your sleeve). To get access to it (along with exclusive short-bite trainings, including several releasing tomorrow about list building according to your specific personality type) get your little candy-hearts here:
http://biztypology.com
by Stefanie Arroyo | Feb 12, 2018 | Biz Typology, Dating, Psychology
Yesterday, one of the most dreaded topics in dating came up in the Biz Typology members-only group:
The Death Spiral.
In all its grim details, here’s what it looks like:
—
Stage 1: Theo the Thinker meets Faye the Feeler. Faye is enamored of Theo and falls totally head over heels for him. She feels #blessed. Theo is characteristically cautious…but interested. Faye is fun (as are most Feelers), so he wants to see where this goes.
Stage 2: Faye appreciates and admires many characteristics of Theo’s Thinking ways and thus begins to behave more like a Thinker, too—maybe even fooling Theo into thinking s/he is a Thinker like him. In other words, Faye starts acting too cool for school. Theo then relaxes, figuring he’s with a kindred Thinker spirit, getting more comfortable with the relationships. He starts acting like normal Thinking self because he feels… understood.
Stage 3: Faye feels Theo cooling off and wonders what she is doing wrong. So, she tries to be even more like a Thinker to compensate. (Hard to get—or even becoming a little bit of an Ice Queen). But this doesn’t feel right. (Because Faye is a Feeler after all. She feels all the things.) Faye starts to get needy and may even consider it her duty to draw Theo out of his Thinking shell, encouraging Theo to express all those feelings he *must* have buried deep inside. But, Theo doesn’t get it… because, well, he’s a Thinker. What feelings?
Stage 4: Theo feels pressure from Faye’s emotional demands and may need distance to figure things out. (And if Theo the Thinker is an introvert too… he needs about the width of the Grand Canyon.) Faye then panics and becomes needier. Theo withdraws more…so Faye needs more…and on and on it goes. Ouch.
Stage 5: Faye suddenly realizes that the reason things aren’t working is that Theo is cold and unfeeling and mean and unnurturing and all these terrible, awful things she can’t stop thinking about (and, if she’s an Extrovert, can’t stop talking about too all her friends). Faye, feeling *so hurt and sad*, abandons Theo without looking back. She can do so much better without him! (And, if she’s P’s, it may be especially abrupt.) Theo is confused… and yet a little relieved… but disappointed. Back to the dating drawing board.
—
But, it didn’t have to end that way.
In fact, there’s a way to use these differences (between Feelers and Thinkers, Extroverts and Introverts, and so on) to your advantage.
But, there is a difference between using typing tactically (“let me act all cool for school/touchy-feely to get that guy/girl/client/sale”) versus on principle (“I understand and respect how that person is and now can relate to them in a way that they can understand and respect how I am, too.”)
And that difference can find you happiness… or at the bottom of the Death Spiral’s vortex.
In just a few days, I’ll be releasing Season Two of Biz Typology, a series of videos dedicated to getting your business (and love life) out of death’s claws.
To get access (and join the conversation already happening in the Facebook community), go here:
http://biztypology.com
by Stefanie Arroyo | Feb 2, 2018 | Biz Typology, Dating
Yesterday was a big day for me and my INTJ:
It was our one-year anniversary.
After thanking him profusely for his treat (i.e., a couple bottles of very expensive wine for us to enjoy) he kissed my head, squeezed my shoulder, and said:
“Well, it’s a very special day for you.”
Past-Stefania would have flipped her lid right in the parking lot. Instead, I just started laughing.
Why?
Because I know exactly what he means:
It is a special day for me. But, not so much for him. And the thing is—that’s okay. Because that’s just how he is.
(The hundreds of dollars-worth of wine isn’t too bad either.)
And knowing that difference can mean everything between having a good night out—or a terrible one in.
Or, having a successful sales conversation and getting the client(or customer)—or yet another hour wasted on the phone with a now-dead lead.
For more good nights (wine optional), go here:
http://biztypology.com
by Stefanie Arroyo | Dec 13, 2017 | Biz Typology, Dating
Last week, I was out and about my hometown when I stumbled upon what looked like (to me) a quaint little
cobblestone street, romantically lit by the moon.
I messaged a photo of it to my INTJ, thinking he’ll finally (finally!) see something nice in the “too
congested/dangerous/dirty” city I live in.
He responded with, “Stefania…that looks like the alley where Batman’s parents were killed.”
We then started to banter about it, what I see versus what he sees.
He said, “You see this… (his dog peacefully sleeping, smile on her face)… and I see this… (the evil bloodthirsty
werewolf on the cover of one of his novels)”
I ribbed him back, saying “I see this… (a stock photo of a chef tasting delicious on a spoon) and you see this… (a
vampire licking the blood off of a knife)”
He then said, “You see this… (a pic I took of him looking rather handsome)… and I see this… (Jon Belushi in “Animal
House” watching girls in a sorority house undress).”
I then said, “I see this… (a stock photo of a happy woman talking on the phone)… and you see this… (female vampire
covered in blood, despairing at what she did, calling her sister on the phone for help).”
And on and on it went.
The thing is, this isn’t just the first time I see things entirely differently than he does. What would look or seem
rather banal to me (or, dare I say it, even nice), he’d see it as something completely different.
Like when I took him to the East Village in New York City (a busy, eclectic part of the city well-known for its place in
punk culture) and he saw… something more resembling a garbage dump.
You could say it’s a difference in upbringing—as a born and raised New Yorker, things like “inexpensive,” “quiet,” and
“spacious” are very relative, while for him, a Midwesterner, a handshake is close contact enough, thank you very much.
But, it also comes down to—you guessed it—differences in personality types.
And if you’ve seen my training video about identifying some of these differences, you’ll know who between us does all
the bantering with their Uber driver. Or who prefers to avoid meeting Batman’s parents’ murderer.
But, it’s more than just knowing the differences between types, it’s also knowing what to do about it—being able to
navigate around them to avoid conflict… and making them even kind of fun.
Otherwise, it would be a helluva lot more difficult—and decidedly less fun.
Biz Typology’s doors have swung open for good this past weekend. While the early bird 30-day group coaching bonus has
spread its wings and flown away, you can still get the Masterclass training which goes headlong into understanding—and
even capitalizing off of—these differences in type (and city preference).
To access the Masterclass—and the private Facebook community—join Biz Typology here:
http://biztypology.com
by Stefanie Arroyo | Dec 12, 2017 | Biz Typology, Dating
While in the car with my INTJ the other day, our conversation shifted to the most romantic of topics:
Death.
Of course, while he was talking about this, I started to feel sad.
As an F, I’m like a half-asleep person trying to find the light switch—I have to feel my way through things first. So, in this conversation, I was feeling all the things about him dying. And, since I’m also a weenie, it made my eyes well up a little bit.
Because I’m an E, I had to tell him what I was feeling, and so I tearfully told him I’d be heartbroken if he died…
Seeing my emotions (and my eyes) start to overflow, my INTJ lightly brushed my cheek from the driver’s side, tucked one of my curls behind my ear, and coldly said:
“Well, with any luck, you’ll die first.”
Were it from anyone else, I’d make sure my seatbelt was secure. And maybe sleep with one eye open.
But it didn’t come from anyone else.
It came from my INTJ who, in his INTJ-ness, he sought the easiest solution to my emotional-math problem:
If he dies, I’ll be sad. If I’m not sad, then he did not die.
Since immortality isn’t on the table (yet), the natural conclusion is: if I die, then I won’t be sad.
Anyway, I say this because there are loads of things he says that, if I didn’t already know how he operates, I’d be in for a helluva mindfeck.
Good thing I do. And you can too, by applying personality typing to all your relationships—romantic and business ones, too.
Biz Typology is open for bidness and, in it, you’ll learn (among other things) how to “decipher” what your clients, prospects, team members, and even partners are saying… without fearing for your life (or, I guess, death).
The group coaching bonus has already flown the coop, but you can still get access to the private Facebook community, the Biz Typology Bullpen, along with the monthly trainings on how exactly to use personality typing and to type others.
To have access to the trainings, typing tools, and the group, sign up here:
http://biztypology.com
